Saturday, May 14, 2016

goodnight, taw

dear to another world,

i love you, please don't forget that. you've been put some rough old times, and i'm ever so sorry for that. i'm so sorry for leaving you.

but we both know it's what i need. i need to let go of what is attached to this blog, i need to love blogging again, and i just can't do that here anymore.

i've tried, the last little while. a couple poems and a thoughful post. but it's not enough. i cannot love taw the way that twelve to fourteen year old me did, i don't have the energy to stress over arc's and deadlines and the guilt that has come for the last year over not being able to review books.

especially now with the developments in my health. both physical and mental, everything has gotten a little harder, and i can't live the same way i was before.

i love every single word that i have written here, and it will stay here, on this tiny piece of the internet. unlike my previous blog, i won't delete you.

i hope my followers and friends will still love and support me. they can come find me over at charli's quiet musings, and i hope that that's what they do.

i love you taw. never forget that.

love, charli. x

Wednesday, May 04, 2016

"what do I need" (charli attempts poetry #2)

"what do I need?"

it is so hard
when no-one can tell you
quite what you need to hear
when you need someone to just
tell you straight what
it is that you need to do

when everyone is trying
to lay off the pressure
but somewhat that is
just what you need

you feel like you're living a lie
walking through school
they all think you have it together
because you're "the smart one"
(and you have been for years)

when, actually-
everything is brimming
ready to bubble over
just like it did last november

you got that interview
you're meeting all your deadlines
but like the bag on your back
it is pushing
weighing
you down (like a stone).

they want decisions
simple ones; lunch choice?
hard ones; exams?
every. single. one.
is far too much. 

state how proud you are
of how far i've come
but take that pride
and help me with the next
my battle isn't over
those words aren't the ones
that will finally let me win